A profound milestone on a Monday...

"Reaching seven years clean and sober marks a profound milestone in my life" is a sentence at first that seemed silly to say because it just felt like a Monday. Granted, reflecting on how I spent the day brings me immense joy and gratitude. Considering how I often spent Mondays 8 years ago, I'm surprised to be alive. I often remind clients to "give yourself some credit" and that "everything counts" meaning the smallest things are a win and worth celebrating, so here I am checking myself. This is worth celebrating, I have worked really hard to maintain and create the life I have and what a perfect time this is to pause and reflect because 7 years was a long time ago. It's easy to forget how different things were...

This past Monday I woke by natural light spilling into my peaceful home, brewed myself a cup of coffee (with cardamom, clove, nutmeg, cinnamon and a dash of organic heavy cream as of late) and brought it to my back porch. Following, spent some time studying the yoga sutras, preparing for the private clients on my schedule and made my way into the office. There, I served 4 clients, three in yoga therapy and one sound bath with yoga Nidra and aromatherapy. Woven between was time outside, nourishing meals and ended with a studio class lead by a dear friend and mentor.

Mondays BS (before sobriety), consisted of snoozing my alarm until I had 20 minutes to leave the house. I'd roll out of bed into my bathroom to put on my face, some variation of black pants and black shirt, then drag myself into work. There I made coffee, fought a headache and endured mental warfare while pushing and ignoring my body. Somewhere around 3 I'd hurriedly force myself to eat food standing in a corner nearing the end of my shift. With little time between, I'd make my way somewhere else and do it all again. After a double, I'd have a few drinks somewhere I didn't want to be, because I didn't want to go home. Thats what I remember the most.

Wherever I was, I didn't want to be.

If I was home, I wanted to be out. If I was out, I wanted to be home and if I was working I wanted to be out. I was simply going through the motions to survive, depressed and simultaneously anxious. No goals, no dreams, no curiosity or thought of something better or more to life. I had no real hobbies, creative outlets, meaningful relationships or personality. As harsh as that sounds, it was true.

I was lost, abusing my body and truly felt I had no purpose.

Thinking back on it, I am surprised I am still alive.

Through the lense of yoga, life was densely veiled by the sheaths of the kleshas.

One Sunday, I followed the faint voice that led me back to my mat. I was 25 years old.

I cried.

I knew so much had to change, and also knew exactly how I'd get through it.

Yoga.

I recommitted to my practice and after a few months, I ended the terrible relationship I was in, landed on a friends couch and entered a second yoga teacher training. By the end of training I had my own place, a class on the schedule, and things were looking up.

There isn't really a pinpointed intersection of yoga into my sobriety journey, because the are one in the same.

Yoga became the quiet place I listened.

It brought me home to myself,

revealed freedom,

and was a safe haven.

First, through the practice I learned to listen to what my body needed. Then, to the guidance of the intuitive mind, and eventually felt connected to something much greater than myself.

It certainly wasn't quick or easy, because there are no shortcuts. The path of reverence, truth, and ethics, isn't full of comfortable conversations or effortless decisions and I need constant reminders and daily practices.

Yoga doesn't ask us to take every comfortable posture, it asks us to take every posture and be comfortable.

With that I had to be really honest with myself, and that was something learned. I also had to learn to give myself grace for the past versions of myself. For years I was embarrassed of who I was before sobriety. Replaying scenarios, the should have's and would have's, did nothing but create more pain and suffering. Which was precisely the cycle I was trying not to perpetuate. Believe me, I still get caught up in it. But I'm not nearly as much of a fake-scenario-aholic anymore.

Now all of this to say, yoga and sobriety are practices. I am not enlightened. I don't have it all figured out. But, here are 7 ways sobriety and yoga has shaped me over 7 years:

1. am more kind to others and to myself.

2. have a more regulated nervous system and move slower with intention.

3. am actively working towards big goals and dreams.

4. take better care and have a healthier relationship with my body.

5. have better communication skills

6. engage in deeper and more meaningful relationships because I am a more present partner, friend, teacher, daughter and yogi

7. allow myself to feel my emotions, find ways to heal, and then learn how to deal.

"Yoga practices are meant to bring the involuntary to the level of the voluntary, or the subconscious impressions to the level of the conscious mind where they can be seen, and in turn, transformed." - Rama Jyoti Vernon.

I will point my arrow to remain a sincere, humble and committed student to the vast knowledge of yoga. Holding the teachings with reverence, may what I am blessed to share emanate authentically from my own personal practice.

Swaha.